The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize