Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
