OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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