I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
