I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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