We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
