Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize