Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
