I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
