And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
