drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
