If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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