Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
