im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Someone came in the potted fern
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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