i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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