But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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