My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
