Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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