We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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