when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
