Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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