I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
