I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
