he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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