Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
