I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
