i jhust puked up my retainher.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
