you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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