Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
