Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
