Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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