I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
