How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
