Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
