How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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