No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
