I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
