Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
