i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
