i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
