so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
