If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
