Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
