no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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