my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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