Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
