"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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