ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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