remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i've created a new STD.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
