it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
