theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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