I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
