I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
