you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
