they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize