The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
