She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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