She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
