so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
