you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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