I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
smell my finger.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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