I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
