you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
wow bdsm is so cute
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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