Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
