Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize