so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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