I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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