we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
