I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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