Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
